


Some days are different

by Tundroid



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, bucky has mental issues, he tries to surpass them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6144232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tundroid/pseuds/Tundroid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most days are a constant memory of the mistakes he had made, the lives he had ruiened, but some days, he gets a reminder of the good stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some days are different

**Most days are like this.**

Feeling like he was falling into a pit he had no way out of. Waking up screaming from a dream that had happened in his past. Every waking hour was a reminder of the people he had killed, lives he had destroyed, but also the friends he had left behind. Everyone he knew was dead-either from old age or because he had been the one to end them. 

He constantly has to feel everything that he had locked away for decades, all the emotions and memories pounding in. He didn't remember what guilt was like until he had met Tony Stark. 

He also didn't remember killing his parents, or "Ruining my life," as Tony had put it. Steve tried many times to explain that it wasn't his fault he had done those awful things, that he hadn't meant to, but he always thought otherwise. He knew he shouldn't, but he always blamed himself for what had happened. 

_Maybe if you didn't fall off that damn train in the first place everything wouldn't be suck a reck._

_Why couldn't you have just been shot instead?_

_You should of died_. That wasn't his words. That was what Steve had said to him, of course he never intended it to sound so harsh. All Steve ever tired to do is help.

He didn't feel sad anymore, or, didn't really know what sadness was. Was this feeling devouring his heart and soul, or was it his emptiness. 

 

**But not all days are**

Other days, it a small thing that seems to give him the light he needs, a reminder that his past shoul- doesn't matter anymore. 

Like them times Steve smiles an laughs whenever he manages to make a joke, a good reminder. One that tells him that he's not that much of a different man.

Or like the times Clint will get him to play video games, which he had been surprisingly good at. It frighted Bucky at first, the way he was so accurate at shooter games, but Clint simply laughed and whined about how he couldn't beat him.

Or when Natasha will give him a flash of a smile, something she's learning to do as well. 

He liked it when these days happened. 


End file.
